The Vampire Bride
by Cerice Belle
Summary: Orihime dresses up as a Vampire Bride on Halloween and is kidnapped by vampires who mistake her for the real thing and take her to the Lord High Vampire Aizen who is looking for a Vampire Bride to celebrate his 500th Jubilee. Short story for Halloween.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a completely crack fic with complete crack from everyone all in celebration of Halloween! The idea just came to me tonight and I decided I had to write it down! It's going to be fairly short, nothing long, and it will be finished by the 31st of October, otherwise known as Halloween.  
>There are no pairings in this although there are hints of UlquiHime, GinRan, IchiRuki, and anything else I can find, but nothing very definite.<br>I hope you guys enjoy the strange crackness that is Aizen :D **

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><p>The giant, black wood doors with their brass handles swung open as two men entered into the cold, dark room. One had silver hair and was smiling with slitted eyes, the other was so dark he nearly blended into the dark surroundings and was wearing think sunglasses that reflected the room. Both wore long white cloaks with high collars and thick, black boots.<p>

"You called for us Lord Aizen?" asked the silver-haired man, bowing.

"I did," came an ominous, deep voice.

A candle suddenly flickered on, and a chair on top of a dais swung around to reveal a tall, handsome man with pale skin in a long, white, high-collared coat and a wine-red vest. He had wavy brown hair, pushed back from his face with a very bitchy curl at the front and was stroking a white cat.

"Welcome Gin and Kaname, my fellow, although not as high and mighty, Lords of the Vampire World!" he exclaimed, raising his arms to them.

"Can we help with anything my Lord?" Kaname asked.

"Yes actually you can," said Lord Aizen.

He got up from his rotating chair, dumping the cat unceremoniously on the ground and walked up to the large window behind the chair. He stood with his hands behind his back, staring into the blackness.

"As you two know, this Halloween marks my 500th year of my supreme rein over the Vampiric World. As such, I think a celebration should be in order."

He turned around and marched to the top of the dais, raising his hands triumphantly.

"And so, I order you two to go and find me a Vampire Bride!" he ordered

The two vampires looked at each other awkwardly, then back at him.

"Aah are you sure about this?" asked Gin.

"Yes, of course I'm sure! Don't you see, it's perfect? What else could better establish me as a supreme overlord than a beautiful Vampire bride?"

"Uuh," mused Kaname.

"Is that the only reason my Lord?" asked Gin.

Aizen glared at him, then burst into tears, "No you're right, it's not! I just can't seem to get a girlfriend, it's so depressing! Everyone else has one, even you, Gin! I don't see why I, an incredibly handsome, evil, villainous, and supreme overlord, can't get a beautiful girl!"

"I don't have one," stated Kaname morosely.

"Yes but you're you! No one would want to go out with you!" snapped Aizen.

Gin went up and patted him awkwardly on the back, "There there, don't worry. We'll get you a beautiful Vampire Bride that will make you feel better," he said soothingly.

Aizen sniffed and shook his hand thankfully, then sent him back down to where Kaname was standing looking depressed.

"You will be established as a supreme overlord!" enthused Gin with a fist pump.

"Exactly! We can host a party, have a big coronation, tour the Vampire world, destroy the Cullens, and incorporate a new tax, all in one hit!"

"Well I do like destroying people," said Kaname.

"And I do like giving people new taxes just to see their faces," said Gin.

"And we all like parties!" enthused Aizen. "So it's settled, you two shall go out and find me a Vampire Bride!"

"What kind of bride do you want?" asked Gin.

"Oh well let's see," he sat back down in his chair, crossing his legs and putting his head on his hand. "She has to be the most beautiful girl in the world, long hair, can't stand the short ones. Fairly curvy, but innocent, or she might try and refuse us. Innovative, smart, but not bossy and annoying. A good cook, young, definitely. Reads books, likes to travel, throw parties, enjoy a coronation, destroy sparkly Vampires descended from Fairies and give people stupid and annoying taxes!" he concluded.

Gin and Kaname looked at each other in dismay, a girl like that was next to impossible.

"Ahem," coughed Kaname. "We will try our best my Lord."

"I am relying on you two, the coronation will be on the second of November as everyone knows that that is Vampire National Day, and I will have my supreme birthday on Halloween. You better have brought the girl by then, or else!" he glared at them menacingly.

They gulped nervously.

"The whole world is a very wide place my Lord," wheedled Gin. "Could we have some help?"

"Oh, yes alright," he nodded. "Take Ulquiorra, Nnoitra and Grimmjow."

"Why them?" sniffed Kaname. "Wonderweiss would be a better option."

"Yeah, Ulquiorra will probably scare her off, Nnoitra definitely will if he doesn't try to hit on her first, and Grimmjow will most likely kill her," added Gin. "And Wonderweiss will run away so no!"

Kaname pouted.

"Just tell Nnoitra you know where he keeps his porn stashes and that you'll burn them. And Ulquiorra and Grimmjow will do anything I say."

"Ulquiorra yeah, but Grimmjow, he's not really the most cooperative Vampire," stated Gin incredulously.

Aizen grinned menacingly, "Oh he'll cooperate. I have his cat," he pointed to the white cat on the floor.

Gin and Kaname glanced at each other and edged away slowly.

"We will leave immediately," said Kaname as they edged.

"Good, and come back before all the O Positive Cookies are gone," he ordered.

The two men bowed.

"Aah when you come back I will be the most powerful Lord in the world!" he cried, raising his hands triumphantly and turning to look out the window. "Everyone will fear me! EVERYONE! Even those blasted wannabe-Vampire Akatsuki! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed loudly.

Gin and Kaname looked at each other again as he continued to laugh maniacally louder. They edged away faster. When his laughing reached a climax point, they turned and bolted out of the room, slamming the door behind them.

"Gin?" whispered Kaname. "Am I really never going to get a girl?"

Gin fled.

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><p><strong>Hope you liked that! Please leave a comment in celebration of Halloween! And thank you for taking your time to read :) <strong>

***hugs* -Cerice**


	2. Antartica and Ballet

**Here is the second chapter. I hope I can finish it before Halloween. And I hope you enjoy it!**

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><p>"Right men," said Gin, marching in front of a group of three vampires. "We have a mission ahead of us, to find Lord Aizen the most beautiful girl in the world by Halloween!"<p>

"This is stupid," grumbled the tallest.

"Watch it or I'll burn all your porn, Nnoitra," he replied, raising his hand at him threateningly.

Nnoitra whimpered.

"Now, Aizen has given us a list of qualities he would like her to have," he continued. "Kaname, if you please."

Tosen took out a long list with all of Aizen's commands on it, shaking it with a flourish. The three men's mouths fell open.

"That's crazy! There is no girl like that in this world!" cried the one with blue hair.

"I may be all for giving whatever Lord Aizen wants, but there's a point where it gets ridiculous," said the shortest with a blank face.

"Grimmjow, Ulquiorra, Lord Aizen has ordered this, and so we will deliver," said Tosen sternly.

"Right!" exclaimed Gin. "Where do you think we should start? The world's a big place and we need to scour it by Halloween which is in a week."

No one said anything.

"Oh come on," he encouraged. "Anyone got some magazines we can look at?"

"I might actually," said Nnoitra.

Gin clapped his hands together excitedly as Nnoitra began pulling magazines out from you-don't-want-to-know-where.

"OK Vogue, no, Catwalk, no, Mean Girls, that's a movie ignore that, ah here we go!" he cried, finally pulling out what he was looking for, "My porn magazine, Autumn Limited Edition!"

"Oh wow! I can't believe you got that!" exclaimed Gin, skipping forward to look at it. "I didn't even know it was out yet!"

"It's not," Nnoitra replied with a wink. "I know a girl who knows a guy whose sister's boyfriend's cousin's second aunt's uncle's daughter's boyfriend is the Janitor."

"Not gonna ask," muttered Grimmjow. "Are you sure we're gonna find the right girl here?"

Nnoitra flipped the magazine open and presented it to him with a self-satisfied smirk.

He took one look and straightened up, "Right, where is this place?"

Less than an hour later the five Vampires found themselves in the middle of Antarctica, surrounded by miles and miles of icy ground and nothing else. Ulquiorra glared at Nnoitra.

"I thought you said there was a thriving metropolis here," he said coolly.

Nnoitra looked at the map on the back of the magazine with a frown.

"This is clearly labelled Antarctica," he said.

Grimmjow snatched it off him and looked at the map.

"You dumbass! This says the _Arctic_, not the _Ant_arctic!" he snarled, throwing it at Nnoitra's head.

Gin caught it and looked at it also. He grinned.

"I know you two aren't the sharpest biting teeth in the mouth, but you do realise this is a tattoo on someone's back?

"WHAT?" they cried, grabbing it back off Gin and studying it carefully.

"That could be why it says "I heart the Arctic"," commented Tosen dryly.

"Right, so after that bit of utter stupidity from lower-class trash, what do we do now?" asked Ulquiorra.

"We could-" began Nnoitra.

"_Not_ from you!" cried everyone.

"The best course of action seems to be to travel the world's great cities and see if we can find anyone suitable there?" suggested Tosen reasonably. "It's a sure way to find someone."

"You would know," sang Gin under his breath, causing Nnoitra and Grimmjow to laugh loudly, and quickly try to cover it when Tosen glared at them which turned it into a noise that sounded like a donkey.

So with that, the five vampires set out on a tour around the world, visiting its greatest cities and most exclusive shopping department stores, like Target, Walmart, and Woolworths, occasionally stopping at the Vampire Market for some fresh plasma juice. But it was all in vain. There was no girl that completely fit the requirements; things could not get any worse. If they did not find her, it would be "Or else".

It was at a café in New York where they received the dreadful news.

Gin opened the letter from the messenger bat (no humans were looking too hard as it was Halloween and nearly everyone had a bat with them) and gave a loud groan.

"What's wrong?" asked Nnoitra, taking a bite of his bloodless blueberry muffin.

"Aizen's decided on another requirement," he told them with a grimace.

"Let's hear it," said Tosen, closing his eyes tightly in an effort to block out whatever the request was.

"Ahem," he cleared his throat. "Dear Gin, while you are in the human world would you mind picking up some Oreos and the new iphone 5- oops wrong letter," he chuckled nervously and picked up the next one. "Dear Vampspada and Gin and Kaname. I hope your search is going well. If you have found a girl you may need to find another as I have recently come across another request. She must have an AB blood type; it's my favourite flavour and gives her that evil undercurrent. Thank you very much and I will see you at my birthday celebration, don't come too late or you will miss out on the O Positive Cookies. Cheerio!"

There was a silence as they all looked in horror at Gin.

"He likes Oreos?" asked Grimmjow.

"Idiot," said Ulquiorra. "That's not the worst of it. Where are we going to find a girl that meets all that?"

Nnoitra sighed and put down his muffin, "Somehow, this isn't filling me up. Let's go."

They all left the shop, without paying naturally, as they were high class Vampires who don't need to pay. They walked out onto 42nd Street with a melancholy air, barely noticing the decorations flying everywhere.

"Hey!" Grimmjow piped up. "What do girls like to do?"

They all stared at him.

"Well instead of going to supermarkets, maybe we should try to get into a place where they frequently converge."

"Like a dance academy?" Ulquiorra inputted.

"Yeah, how did you come up with that?" he asked excitedly.

The emo vampire pointed to a fancy-looking building with a sign over the top saying "New York Ballet for Girls" and a swarm of pretty girls in tights and buns walking in. Every vampire's face lit up (yes even Ulquiorra's, although only slightly).

"What would I be doing at a place like this?" hissed a tall, dark-skinned, big-chested, blonde woman.

"Oh come on Tia," soothed Gin. "This is for Lord Aizen. If we can get into here and find the right girl, we'll give you 5% of the rewards."

"Forget it!" she snapped. "I don't dance, let alone at a flimsy place like this."

"But you'd look great in a leotard," Grimmjow encouraged.

"I don't doubt that. But I'm too tall and I've never danced before, not enough to get into a place like this!"

"But-" began Kaname.

"Go find someone smaller, with a girlier face, and with dancing experience," she ordered before she disappeared in a whirl of flash-running that is common of vampires.

"Well how are we gonna find someone like that?" asked Nnoitra grumpily.

Gin gave a devious grin.

Less than an hour later, the five vampires stood in front of a white leotard- and tight- wearing, black-bunned, violet-eyed, small, girly-looking boy.

"Why do I have to do this again?" he asked, looking at his legs curiously.

"This is all for Lord Aizen, Luppi," explained Gin, wrapping his arm around Luppi's shoulders. "You find him the girl he wants; you get 5% of the profits."

"That's not much for dressing up as a girl," he complained, crossing his arms.

"But you get to dance with hot girls!" exclaimed Nnoitra. "Lucky bastard," he added quietly.

"Yeah but they think I _am _a girl!"

"How about 10% of the profits?" asked Kaname.

"It really doesn't seem worth it."

"I'll handle this," said Ulquiorra, pushing everyone away and walking up to stand at eye-level with Luppi. "If you don't do this," he hissed in an ominous voice. "I will tell Lord Aizen about your ballet posters."

"You wouldn't?" he gasped, Ulquiorra just looked at him with his piercing green eyes. "Urgh fine! But I'm not guaranteeing I'll be good."

"Just get us in," said Grimmjow.

Luppi sighed and hitched his pink bag on his shoulder and walked forward into the school with a flounce of his hips.

"Is it wrong to think he looks really good in a leotard and tights?" murmured Nnoitra to Grimmjow.

They followed him in and stared around the enormous ballet hall, filled to the brim with gorgeous girls in tight leotards, stretching next to the mirrors.

"Excuse me, do I know you?" asked a dark woman with purple hair, eyeing them critically.

Luppi walked up to her with a smile, "Hi, I'm Luppi Antenor, I'm a new student."

The five vampires' mouths dropped open: his voice had suddenly turned scarily feminine.

"I don't remember a new student," she frowned, leaning around him to glare at the gaping males.

"They're my agents, we come from a professional ballet company in Tokyo," he said calmly, waving his hand for them to come over. He leaned in to talk quietly to her, "To be honest, I'm actually not a new student. We're here to take a look at the girls here and possibly invite them into our company; I'm posing as a new student to study their style."

"Oh I see!" she exclaimed. "Well that's wonderful, nice to meet you," she shook his hand enthusiastically. "I'm Yoruichi Shihoin, head of New York Ballet for Girls."

"The pleasure's all mine," he turned and indicated to the stunned men behind him. "These are my agents who will be doing the inspecting," he glared at them when they didn't move.

"Oh!" started Gin, jumping forward to shake her hand. "My name is Gin Ichimaru; I'm the…head agent, yes, the head agent. We'll just be going around and taking a look, pretend we're not there. By the way," he leaned in. "You smell wonderful, what blood type are you?"

"Aah," she began but was quickly interrupted.

"Miss Yoruichi are we going to get started?" demanded a small girl with black hair in a bun and black eyes.

"Oh yes, of course!" she jerked away from Gin and walked to the front of the room. "Alright girls, I would like you all to meet a new student, Luppi." Luppi waved with a smile. "Please make her feel welcome and help her out if she has a little trouble with the routine. These men here," she waved her hand at the vampires. "Will be watching you for performance purposes, so pretend they're not there. OK, places for the warm-up!" she clapped her hands. "Luppi, go stand next to Nelliel there, she'll help you out."

Luppi went to stand beside a green-haired girl who smiled at him kindly.

"Ready?" asked Yoruichi, putting her finger to the stereo player. "And begin!"

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><p><strong>Did you enjoy that? Not my best, but hopefully the next will be better.<br>As always, review if you liked :) And even if you didn't like, please tell me how I can improve. **


	3. Young and Innocent

**Hey guys! Sorry I couldn't finish this by Halloween. I actually ended up being out all week, the entire weekend, and I had events on all of last week, gack! And it was my mum's birthday yesterday, so I'm very sorry. I will try to finish it this week, there's not much left so it should be done fairly soon :)  
>Thank you to all my awesome reviewers, you are truly awesome!<strong>

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><p>The five vampires wandered around the room, checking all the girls for any of the attributes Aizen had specified. They would occasionally pull some out and ask them questions from the list, but no one fit the bill. They were too skinny, too fat, too short, far too tall, had the wrong blood type, or the worst part, hated giving taxes! When the dance routines had finished, Nnoitra decided to talk with the green-haired girl who had danced next to Luppi, who was now being flocked around by girls complimenting him on his dancing ability.<p>

"Hi there," he said, sauntering up to her and leaning on the ballet bar. "Is your name as pretty as you are?"

"Please, that's the cheesiest line in the book," she said as she towelled off her green hair and looked up at him with a smirk, "But if you must know, I'm Nel. And you are?"

"Nnoitra. What's your blood type?"

"Aah B Negative I think," she told him.

"My favourite!" he grinned.

She was about to reply when the girl with the black hair and eyes that had spoken before, said something obnoxious, yet again.

"Miss Yoruichi, who are they?" she demanded, pointing at the vampires wandering the room.

"Aah…they're dance experts," she said quickly.

"Are they here to show us a new routine?" the girl asked.

"Yes, yes they are!" exclaimed Yoruichi. "You!" she pointed at Gin. "Come up and show these girls a routine."

"M-me?" he gaped, pointing at himself.

"Yes you, you're the leader aren't you?"

"Umm yeeeeesss," he said reluctantly. "But I think we should all come up and show you a routine. So why don't you ladies line up and the rest of you men come up here."

Nnoitra growled, he was going to kill that man someday; just when he had found a girl with his favourite blood type. Everyone lined up, the girls back to where they had been before, and the men standing awkwardly at the front. Yoruichi put on the ballet music.

"Ahem, yes," coughed Gin, standing at the front. "Sooo, just follow my lead ladies, if you don't get it right away then don't be too hard on yourselves."

Ulquiorra snorted derisively.

"Let's start with first position then shall we?" commented their great dance leader, taking a wobbly first position with his hands stretched out in front of him. The girls followed him, looking dubious. "And then we'll move our leg like this, and our arms like this," he demonstrated, putting his left leg behind him and his right arm above his head. "And then we'll do a little turn here."

For five minutes, the ballet dancers, Luppi, and the vampire accomplices followed Gin as he proceeded to take them on a wild ride of shaky turns, foot positions, and ending in a leap which resulted in all of them falling to the floor. Yoruichi stopped the music.

"That was certainly enlightening," she said coolly. "Could you five please demonstrate a pas de deux for me?" she asked sweetly.

"Of course, how easy," said Gin, turning around to face the others with a look of terror on his face. They all shrugged at him. He glared and turned back to smile creepily at the group of giggling girls. "Naturally a pas de deux is a par, like golf," he took an imaginary club and hit an imaginary golf ball, "And then day, which involves the sun," he waved his hands in the air, "And then dough is like the stuff in bread so you knead," he put his hands down and made a strange motion on the floor with them.

The girls burst out laughing, their shrieks echoing through the hall. Yoruichi glided over to him, her gold eyes glowing.

"A pas de deux is a "Dance for Two"," she told him. "I've had my doubts, but this proves it!"

They all cringed, their secret was out, it had been such a stupid idea in the first place.

"You're all British!" she exclaimed, pointing an accusatory finger at them.

There was a gasp around the room. The five vampires just stared in shock at the dancer.

"You have hid your accents well you horrid imposters! But I have discovered your secret, you're not real dancing teachers, you're just British!"

"No we're not!" cried Nnoitra, there was no way he was going to let all those beautiful, potential girlfriends think he was British! "Luppi, tell them."

All eyes turned to the transvestite in the middle of the room. He took a deep breath.

"How could you, you imposters? I trusted you, and now I find out that you're British!" he sobbed, hiding his face in his hands.

"You little-" began Grimmjow, cracking his knuckles menacingly.

"Well that settles it," said Yoruichi.

Less than a minute later they found themselves being kicked out of the hall onto the street of New York by a surprisingly strong ballet teacher.

"Get out!" And take your horrid British ways with you!" she yelled at them, slamming the door in their faces.

They grumbled as they got up from the dirty street and limped over to the sidewalk.

"Great plan Emo-King," snarled Grimmjow, dusting himself off and shooting a glare to the still unfased Ulquiorra.

"Does this look like an emotional face to you?" he asked, turning his completely blank face to Grimmjow.

Before he could reply, the doors opened again, and the flock of girls streamed out, pointedly turning their faces away from the men, Luppi with them, still in fake tears. They all glared after him as he went to sit with Nel and the other girls at a nearby café.

"Well my one bit of happiness after this is that he is stuck pretending to be a females with all those gorgeous girls and he can't do anything about it," cackled Nnoitra.

"I have a confession to make," came Luppi's voice from the café. "I'm actually not a girl."

Their mouths dropped open, ears pricking up as they waited to hear what he would say.

"I've never been very comfortable with myself and being a male ballet dancer so I've often dressed as a girl to avoid bullies. Those British imposters told me that dressing like a girl would make me a famous dancer. But now that they're gone I can be myself. I hope you ladies will accept me for who I am," with that he burst into fake tears.

"Aww!" all the girls cooed. "A man that actually isn't afraid to show his tears!"

"Don't worry Luppi, we'll help you get your confidence back," exclaimed Nel.

"Yeah we all will," added the black-haired girl.

"Group hug!" squealed another girl.

They all embraced him, squashing up together. Nnoitra ground his teeth.

"I'm going to _kill _that bastard!" he snarled, lunging towards the café.

The others grabbed him and pulled him back.

"Where's your sense of justice?" preached Kaname.

"Up Luppi's ass!" he shrieked back.

Suddenly Gin let go of him and looked around the quickly darkening street. Surprised with the sudden change, Nnoitra fell face-forward into the pathway.

"Hey what gives?" he snapped, jumping up with a raised fist.

"Look around," he replied quietly.

Everyone did so, it was Ulquiorra and Kaname who first realised what was wrong. Grimmjow and Nnoitra took a little longer.

"I don't get it," complained the blue-haired vampire. Then his eyes widened as he spotted a cluster of children in costume, running by giggling loudly. "O-o-o-o-oh."

"It's Halloween," sighed Kaname droopily.

"Oh *&%$#!" cried Nnoitra.

"Well I guess there's nothing for it," sighed Gin. "We're just going to have to go back to Lord Aizen and explain that we couldn't find the right girl."

Everyone else sighed too.

"We'll miss out on the O Positive cookies if we don't go back soon," added Grimmjow.

"In that case, I suggest you find the coordinates to go back home and lead us there," commanded Kaname.

Rolling his eyes Grimmjow held out his arm, showing a crescent moon engraved into it. They all placed their fingers on the moon and in a flash they had disappeared from the busy street, because of course they're vampires, and they have many different talents.

A second later, the five vampires appeared in the middle of a street in a town in the middle of nowhere.

"You idiot!" yelled Kaname. "You transported us 123.45 kms off our destination!"

"Well I'm sorry; I'm tired from all the dancing," he said defensively.

"Urgh," sighed Ulquiorra. "We've got to wait another 5 minutes before we can all teleport again."

"In that case, we may as well begin walking, it's not like I wanna get home quickly and face Lord Aizen's wrath."

"Wow cool costumes!" exclaimed a trick-or-treating child, pointing at them.

They all turned and glared at him, Gin even opened his eyes for extra effect. The child screamed and ran away **(Author's Note: My friend and I did that on Halloween, it was really satisfying hearing the screaming all the way down the street :D)**

"Let's take the roof tops," said Ulquiorra. "I don't fancy having to glare at children for the next five minutes."

"But Ulqui, you do it so well," muttered Grimmjow.

Ulquiorra kicked him in the balls, hard. Soon they were hopping over the rooves, Grimmjow wincing every time he moved his legs.

"Hold up," ordered Nnoitra. "I gotta tie my shoelaces."

Everyone rolled their eyes but stopped on a red roof-top as he bent down (it was a long way) to tie his tangled shoelaces.

"Actually this would be a good time to work out what we're going to say to Lord Aizen," said Kaname.

"How about, "Dear Aizen sir, we had trouble finding the girl you wanted, so sorry, lots of love, your Vampspada and seconds in command?" asked Grimmjow.

Ulquiorra moved his leg and Grimmjow quickly covered his crotch.

"That's actually pretty reasonable," sighed Gin. "I mean seriously, where are we supposed to find a young, beautiful, innocent vampire bride that isn't afraid of a bit of blood, loves coronations, travelling, giving out annoying taxes and has blood type AB?"

"Wow Orihime you are a beautiful, young, innocent, Vampire Bride that isn't afraid of a bit of blood, loves coronations, travelling, giving out annoying taxes and has blood type AB!" came a shriek from the house below them.

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><p><strong>Hope you liked that and that you had an amazing Halloween. Stay tuned for a few more chapters :) Please review :)<strong>

***hugs* -Cerice**


	4. Come With Me

**Hey guys. Sorry I haven't been able to get this done by Halloween :( I feel terrible! Literally, I'm sick. I've had my School Certificate and I've been studying and now I got a crappy cold. I'm sorry if this chapter isn't that good and if there are mistakes, I don't think I'm aware enough to change anything :(  
>Oh well, enjoy the second last chapter! Yes the next chapter is the last :( It makes me tear-abled.<strong>

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><p>Their ears perked up and they all put their heads on the top of the roof, listening hard.<p>

"Why thank you Tatsuki!" exclaimed a young, beautiful, innocent voice underneath them. "I think it turned out pretty well."

"You got that right, you look so smexy!" laughed another girl.

"Ooh there's a quiz in the Karakura Times "Halloween Edition"!" cried out another voice. "'Are you the perfect Vampire Bride?' That's convenient."

"Read it out Momo," came the young, beautiful, innocent voice again.

She cleared her throat and began to read, "What's your blood type?"

"AB."

The vampires grinned at each other.

"What is your hair length: long," she answered the question for her. "Body shape: waay too curvy! Intelligence?"

"Third in the class," contributed the first girl called Tatsuki.

"Bossy?" Momo continued. "No way! A good cook…?"

There was silence as the men strained to hear the answer, Gin checking off the requirements on the list.

"Of course I am!" exclaimed the young, beautiful, innocent voice.

"Err yess," Momo muttered. "Reads books, likes to travel and throw parties?"

"Check, check and check," she replied while Gin did so on his list.

"Do you enjoy coronations?"

"What kind of a question is that?" snapped the second girl.

"Oh I love all the jewels and the clothes and the ceremony!" the possible Vampire Bride enthused.

"And the men in uniform," the other girl teased.

"Aah destroy sparkly vampires descended from fairies?"

"You mean the Cullens?" Tatsuki asked.

"Ooh definitely! They're so annoying!"

"And finally-"

Gin, Kaname, Ulquiorra, Nnoitra and Grimmjow strained to hear the last and most important part of the requirements.

"Do you like giving taxes?"

"Umm no not really."

They all drooped, that was what Aizen really wanted.

"Well you got a full Vampire Bride!" congratulated Momo. "Although the fail in the taxes question reduced your percentage by 40% however, you still rock the part!"

"Yaay!" all the girls cried.

"Well then, Miss Orihime Inoue, Vampire Bride of Dracula," said the yet-to-be-unnamed girl. "I believe we shall head off to the Kurosaki Medical Clinic for our party!"

The girls filed out of the room and downstairs, their muffled laughter ringing in the air above the vampires who looked thoroughly depressed (or in Ulquiorra's case, more than usual).

"I guess we haven't found her after all," sighed Kaname.

"Are you kidding me?" yelled Grimmjow. "We just found the perfect girl, who cares about a stupid tax, she's the closest we're gonna get!"

"He's got a point," added Nnoitra. "I mean who's gonna know really."

"She might change later on," agreed Ulquiorra.

"So it's settled then!" exclaimed Gin, jumping up and fist-pumping the air. "We shall all go to the Kurosaki Medical Clinic, find this Orihime Inoue, and take her back to be Aizen's future bride!"

"Yeah!" they all cried, also jumping up and fist-pumping. And promptly falling off the roof having forgotten they were all standing on the edge.

The five vampires walked up to a small building ablaze with bright lights, covered in Halloween decorations, and throbbing with loud music.

"This it?" asked Grimmjow dubiously.

"Seeing as it says "Kurosaki Family Clinic" yes I would say it is," retorted Ulquiorra.

He shrugged, "If you say so."

"Now what? Do we just go in?" questioned Nnoitra.

"Yup!" exclaimed Gin, walking straight up to the door and barging inside before anyone could stop him.

"That idiot," sighed Kaname, following him with the others.

They were inside what looked to be a family room filled with decorations and dancing people wearing costumes.

A girl in a nurse costume sidled up to Grimmjow, swinging her hips suggestively.

"Hi there sugar, lookin' for a good time?" she asked in a deep, manly voice.

"Why does your voice sound like a man's?" Grimmjow asked.

"What are you talkin' about, I am a man!"

Grimmjow turned white and fell face-splat into the floor. The "girl" shrugged and walked away.

"Hey look there's a man in a dress!" exclaimed Nnoitra, before suddenly pausing and realising what he had just seen. "A man…in a…dress…"

"Gin," Kaname whispered in Gin's ear. "Let's find this girl and go before they start having aneurisms."

Gin nodded and started looking around.

"This is ridiculous," stated Ulquiorra. "How are we going to find this girl, we don't even know what she looks like?"

"Orihime! You are such a beautiful, young, innocent, Vampire Bride that isn't afraid of a bit of blood, loves coronations, travelling, and has blood type AB!" cried a voice near the back of the room.

All the vampires turned their heads to wear a very beautiful, young and innocent-looking girl with long, orange hair and sparkly grey eyes in a big white wedding dress covered in blood stood.

"Why thank you Rukia," she said happily to a small girl in a bunny costume.

"Found her!" exclaimed a regenerated Grimmjow, pointing to her.

"Great job Sherlock!" congratulated Nnoitra mockingly. "Now why don't you go and tell her to come with us."

"Woah there's no way I'm doing that!" he cried, raising his hands defensively. "You do it!"

"Ain't no way I'm going in there and talking to some chick," Nnoitra replied. "Gin should do it, he's the leader."

"Why do these things always come back to me?" sighed Gin, rolling his eyes, or what could be seen of them. "I'm no good at talking, Kaname's better at it. You do it."

"But-"

"Do it." he ordered threateningly.

Gulping, Kaname walked up to where the vampire bride was talking to her friends.

"Ahem," he cleared his throat. No one looked at him. "Ahem," he coughed a bit louder. "YO!" he yelled.

The entire room went quiet and everyone stared at him. He gulped.

"Right, OK then. Umm, you!" he pointed at the vampire bride. "Are you Orihime Inoue?"

"Uhh yes."

"Come with us now."

"Excuse me?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"Hey what's going on here?" asked an orange-haired man wearing a long black robe. "Rukia did you invite random gangsters again?"

"No I did not, Ichigo!" snapped the girl in the bunny costume. "They're looking for Orihime."

"Well don't look at me!" cried Orihime waving her hands about. "I've never seen them before in my life!"

"We have orders to take you with us now in the name of justice!" announced Kaname.

"Say what?" asked Rukia, Ichigo and Orihime.

"Oh move over and let the professionals handle this," Gin pushed Kaname aside. "What he's trying to say very unsuccessfully is that we have been ordered by our Vampire Lord, Lord Aizen, to find him a bride that fits a set of requirements. You fit them nearly perfectly, and so we would like to bring you back to our castle where you can marry Lord Aizen and become his Vampire Bride."

Everyone stared at them.

"Have they had too much to drink or something?" asked a man with black hair and glasses in a strange white and blue outfit.

"Uhh-" began Orihime but was suddenly interrupted.

"Gin?" cried a busty blonde girl in a Catwoman costume.

"Rangiku?" he asked looking stunned.

"Gin?"

"Rangiku?

"Gin!"

"Rangiku!"

"WOULD YOU GUYS SHUT UP AND TELL US WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" cried Grimmjow.

"Uuh," muttered Gin turning red.

"I'm his girlfriend!" announced Rangiku.

"Oh man," sighed Nnoitra.

"You're with a _human_?" exclaimed Kaname.

"Ooh someone's in trouble," chuckled Ulquiorra evilly. Everyone stared at him. "What? I'm allowed to find things amusing once in a while!"

"What do you mean "a human"?" Rangiku snapped then turned to Gin. "And you told me you couldn't come!"

"Well it turns out I could, happy Halloween sweetheart!" he exclaimed hugging her.

"Oh really? Well I'm glad you could make it, even if you did bring your friends," she glared at them over his shoulder causing them to shuffle away slowly.

"Wait a minute, I thought you guys were taking me away to your lord or something?" asked Orihime, putting her hands on her hips.

"What? you asked her to come with you but not me?" gasped Rangiku.

"Nooo I would never do that-it's not what you think!"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, look I've been meaning to tell you this for a long time but, I'm a vampire, see," he grinned and showed her his pointer teeth.

"They're plastic ones you got for Halloween," she told him practically.

"No, urgh I'm not saying this right," he put his head in his hands and then looked back up at her. "Oowooaahwooaahwooaahh," he began singing. "Oowooaahwooaahwooaahh."

Suddenly Grimmjow pulled out a guitar, Nnoitra pulled out a pair of bongo drums, Kaname pulled out a flute, and Ulquiorra pulled out a triangle, and began playing a suspiciously familiar tune.

"I know you love me, I know you care," Gin sang while his backup played. "I know you feel me, when I'm not there. And we will never ever ever be apart and I was like: Baby-"

"You're drunk aren't you?" Rangiku interrupted as he started doing the heart sign with his hands. The instruments stopped, except for Ulquiorra who kept dejectedly playing his triangle.

"What?"

"Are you high?"

"No never! I will Never Say Never to drugs, yes I'm high-" he cut off as she grabbed his ear and pulled him towards the bathroom. "Ow ow ow ow ow ow!"

"That was…weird," stated Ichigo, looking thoroughly confused. "Would you shut that thing up?" he yelled at Ulquiorra who was still playing the triangle.

The said man glared at him and hit it defiantly one last time before putting it away.

"Ahem, yes," coughed Kaname, hurriedly hiding his flute. "Anyway, Miss Inoue, we would like you to come with us back to our palace of Los Noches where you will be married to Lord Aizen and become his Vampire Bride."

"No." she said briskly. "I will not just be pulled away to go marry some guy I don't know even if you are all on drugs."

Kaname turned around and shrugged at the other three vampires. With a sigh, Ulquiorra pushed him aside, "Let me handle this," and stood in front of Orihime, looking straight at her.

"Do not ask any questions, do not say anything. You have no rights. This is not a negotiation, it is an order. Come with me, girl."

"Oh," she blinked. "Well I guess when you say it like that, OK."

"Really?" he asked, looking surprised.

"Sure thing triangle man!"

"Hahaha!" Nnoitra and Grimmjow pointed at him, laughing in their maniacal, yet strangely infectious way.

"Shut up." He told them.

"Well we may as well get going, Aizen will be expecting us soon," said Kaname. "GIN!"

The bathroom door opened and a very dazed Gin with soaking wet hair stumbled out with a silly grin on his face.

"Wee," he said lightly.

Rangiku appeared at the door, looking flushed, "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"You got it!" he saluted in a drunken manner and marched towards the door.

Kaname rolled his eyes, "Someone help him. Ulquiorra, you take the girl."

Ulquiorra turned back to an amused Orihime, "Come on then woman," he ordered.

"Okie dokie triangle man."

"Stop that."

She turned around and waved at her friends, "See you all at my wedding!"

"Do you think we should be worried about her?" muttered Uryu to Ichigo.

Ichigo looked at the receding people; a tall, thin, black haired man with funny shoes, a laughing blue-haired maniac carrying a smiling silver-haired man, a blind black man with cornrows, and a short pale-skinned green-eyed emo followed by the skipping vampire bride.

"Naah she'll be fine," he said, waving his hand noncommittally.

Uryu shrugged and looked over at the buffet table.

"Hey who mixed the coffee and wine together in the Chappy Land mugs?"

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah, weird ending to a chapter. Sorry I kinda had to end it before I died on the computer. Hope that was OK though.<br>I'll see you sometimes soonish I hope for the Last. Chapter. EVER! duh duh duuuuuuuuh!**

***hugs* -Cerice**


	5. Party Time

**Whew finally finished this! Sorry it has taken so long :( Bit of a long story, like...a really long story. **

**But to cut it short, my laptop got a virus (Don't watch Glee on Google children) and I took it into IT. They got rid of the virus and I got it back. THEN I opened it up and it started right clicking everything automatically all the time. I'd had the same issue at the beginning of the year too so I was pretty mad. So I handed it in, took the annoying spare again and frolicked off. Then I got the message saying it was fixed and went back to get it. Opened it up happily, it was STILL happening! So the same thing happened again, left it there, used the spare, went to pick it up. It was STILL RIGHT CLICKING! So I handed it in, froclicked with the spare, picked it up and guess what? IT WAS STILL RIGHT CLICKING! I was soooo mad by then! I'm getting it back tomorrow so if it's still doing it I will yell at the IT people, not even kidding! And amidst all of this I would like to point out that I had started the chapter and then I lost everything, my entire hard drive crashed so I've been trying to get motivated enough to redo it. But I did yaay! Albeit a bit late, sorry :( But it's here! Party! **

**Thanks to all my aweome watchers! _Sariniste, Cagansara, Rootali, Geminigrl016, Lonewingwriter, CharNinja LOL, Animelvr, Fatcat97._ You are amazing people, I love you so much for your support and patience! Love you all!**

**And without further ado (sorry about the long note) Enjoy the last chapter!**

* * *

><p>The five vampires and one human girl dressed as a vampire walked up to the grand castle. Orihime had to admit that it wasn't what she would have thought a vampire castle would look like. It was in the middle of a great field of yellow and pink wildflowers and slightly resembled the Disney castle with its pale pink brick walls and blue turrets. It wasn't even spooky with its brightly coloured fairy lights and plastic pumpkins with pink candles that glowed against the night sky.<p>

"Are you sure this is a Vampire castle?" she asked Gin who had recovered and was now walking easily next to her.

"Positive!" he said happily. "It's in the style of the Disney castle from Los Angeles. Lord Aizen was absolutely smitten with it and had a replica made. There's also a carousel out the back and the It's a Small World ride."

"Where did he get those from? And where is this?" she continued.

"Oh we're in Sri Lanka," he told her with his trademark smile.

"S-Sri Lanka?" she gasped.

"Yup! Welcome to the green meadows of Sri Lanka!" he indicated the flowers and castle.

Orihime shook her head, it was clear that they were all on crack. And for some reason, it didn't bother her that much. They walked up to the door and Tosen rang the doorbell where a rather dead-sounding Ode to Joy tinkled through the bunny speakers above them. The door finally opened to reveal a giant behemoth of a man carrying a small dog and eating what appeared to be cookies in the shape of ghosts.

"Ulquiooorraaa," he greeted the pale vampire.

"Oi!" interjected Gin. "I'm the leader of this group; you're supposed to greet me first!"

"You know Yammy can't do that," sighed Grimmjow. "He can't say anyone else's name _but_ Ulquiorra's. Which is weird cause it's the hardest of all of ours."

They all walked in, Orihime peering curiously up at the man with the dog as he glared back at her with his piggy eyes. Suddenly Ulquiorra raised his hand and hit it against the man's chest causing him to slide back and hit the wall.

"What was that for?" Yammy growled.

"You idiot if you had half a brain you would have figured it out," sighed Ulquiorra. "It's because it's fun to see you slide into that wall and get annoyed at me."

With that he walked off with his hands in his pockets.

"Don't worry about him," Nnoitra winked at Orihime. "Triangle man is just like that."

"If you call me that one more time I'll throw you off the top of the tallest tower," Ulquiorra called from in front.

"See?"

Orihime giggled and followed them through the many pink halls with heart-shaped statues and numerous paintings of a man with wavy brown hair and a white cat. She had to admit, the "Vampires" were not as dreary as she thought they would be. Then again, they _were_ all on crack. Although she was starting to get the suspicion that this "Lord Aizen" fellow might be gay. They soon appeared in front of a set of giant, hot pink doors with shiny gold handles in the shape of kittens. Grimmjow went up and, with a great flourish, pushed them open to reveal a grand, pink, ballroom with glittering chandeliers and large floor-length windows across the opposite wall. It was filled with many people all with pale skin, glossy hair, and wearing glittery costumes. The group managed to walk in fairly unnoticed until a vampire with pink hair and glasses in a purple fairy costume sauntered up to them with a strange laugh.

"Oh ho ho, I see you found the girl then!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands together gleefully.

"Hi there Szayel," greeted Grimmjow. "Yup we sure did! Check her out."

The man named Szayel leaned down and looked at her with yellow eyes, "Hmm. Why has she got blood on her face? Nnoitra did you do something again?"

"What no!" the tall man exclaimed. "It's part of Vampire costume she wore for Halloween."

"Oh well in that case-" he broke off as suddenly the sound of trumpets echoed through the hall. He grinned at Orihime, "Get ready to meet your future husband."

She gulped and looked up at the grand staircase, the golden railings decorated with pink ribbons and bows. The pompous trumpets continued with a tune that sounded oddly like the theme to My Little Pony, something she hoped was not true. Then, at the top of the staircase, appeared a man. A man with wavy brown hair underneath a gold crown, and wearing white robes, giant purple butterfly wings, sparkly pink shoes, and a grand feather boa.

"Introducing his royal and most esteemed majesty, his Highness of the very Bitchy Curl, Lord Sosuke Aizen, ruler of the Vampiric Empire, in charge of destroying the Cullens, throwing parties, and giving out unreasonable taxes!" called out the announcer, a dark-skinned, bald man wearing what looked like a pink pumpkin with funny eye-shaped sequins on it.

Aizen descended the staircase, his hand lightly on the banister which had to jump over the ribbons on the banister so that they didn't fall off, which he had done once. He frolicked to the base of the stairs and gave a sweeping bow to his subjects.

"Welcome my fellow Vampires! As your esteemed, villainous, and extremely handsome Lord-soon-to-be-King, I welcome you all to the annual Halloween party and the celebration of my 500th Jubilee! Please enjoy the party and make sure you get those O Positive cookies before anyone else!"

_Yup, definitely on crack, _thought Orihime. Everyone clapped and cheered then went their own ways to either the dance floor which had struck up a couple of Disney songs, or to the food table. Aizen waltzed around to Once Upon a Dream, greeting a few of his subjects, and finally taking notice of the energetically waving Gin and Tosen.

"Aah Gin, Tosen, you're back!" he exclaimed, gliding over to them majestically. "Did you find my new Vampire Bride?"

"We certainly did!" said Grimmjow, jumping up and taking a pose with flying cats in the background.

"Tosen, cut off his arm if he does that again," Aizen ordered.

Tosen took his sword, "Yes sir."

"So where is she?" he continued.

Gin stepped aside as Ulquiorra pushed Orihime forward, "Lord Aizen, I present your bride to be: Orihime Inoue."

Aizen took one look at her, with the torn veil, ripped bride's gown, plastic fangs, and fake blood covering her face, and gave a very high-pitched scream that sounded like a girl's. Everyone turned to look at him, the band stopped their rendition of A Whole New World, and Yammy paused in the middle of stealing the O Positive cookies.

"_What _is _THIS_?" he shrieked.

Orihime put her hands on her hips, "Excuse me?"

"I told you to bring me a Vampire Bride that fits the requirements, not a deformed corpse!" he continued.

"Oh OK, now I'm mad!" said Orihime, pushing up the sleeves of her dress in a menacing manner.

Gin quickly pushed her aside, "Calm down Lord Aizen. She fits all the requirements; she's just dressing the part for Halloween. She's actually very pretty," he leaned over and murmured in her ear, "You are pretty aren't you?"

"I dunno, I've been on the cover of Vogue a couple of times and was stopped in the street by Orlando Bloom once, does that count?"

"Yeah that should do it." He straightened back up and smiled at Aizen. "She's honestly just in costume. You know silly humans, reading into things too much, like Vampires," he fluttered his hand to express his point.

"Hmm," Aizen frowned at her. "I suppose you're right. I mean she's not totally unfortunate looking. A bit of glitter, some makeup and a new wardrobe, she might do very nicely."

Orihime made a face, what a jerk.

"Alright then Gin! You have convinced me! Omihima Ino you shall be my Vampire Bride and rule the Vampiric world with me!" he exclaimed, making a pirouette.

"It's _Orihime Inoue_, at least learn my name!" pfft they were all so high on drugs it was ridiculous.

"Yes yes in good time my little O Positive cookie," he said good-naturedly. She rolled her eyes. "Now come up with me to the balcony, we shall make the announcement of our rule together!"

With that he flounced off and waved at the pink pumpkin who raised his trumpet and began to blow. A woman dressed as a sparkly shark raised her hands and began conducting the band that consisted of three girls dressed as a moose, a snake, and a reindeer, who continued the tune of My Little Pony. Orihime shook her head and followed her future husband up the staircase. She suddenly realised that she hadn't told her brother about this. Oh well! She could tell him tomorrow. He shouldn't be too angry. She'd bring him some of the cookies to make it up to him. Aizen took to a large platform covered in glitter and raised his hands over the crowd of vampires who stopped what they were doing and looked up at him.

"Ahem ahem!" he called out, stopping in front of a sparkly pink microphone. "Silence please, I have an announcement to make!" he pulled Orihime next to him and a spotlight fell on the two, followed by an orchestral Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. "My loyal subjects. As I have reached my year 500, it has come to my notice that I should become a great King of awesomeness and snack in-oh my apologies," Orihime glanced at him and frowned when she saw that he had written his speech on the palm of his hand, "I mean "act" in accordance to my subject's wishes. And to do this, I must find myself a Vampire Bride. And my people, I have indeed! Please welcome Omihima Ino, my new Vampire Bride!"

Everyone clapped loudly with a few wolf whistles in between as a group of angels singing hallelujah appeared followed by raining confetti and glitter. All except two angels who were crying loudly.

"Now I know she doesn't exactly look like bride material, but Lord Ichimaru tells me that she is actually very pretty and that Omihima here is dressing for Halloween. So we'll let it slide."

Orihime leaned over and put her mouth in front of the mic, "Actually it's Orihime Inoue-" she gasped in indignation as Aizen pushed her back and stood in the middle of the spotlight. Flashes appeared below as the vampires pulled out their cameras and phones to snap photos, Orihime also noticed a group of suspicious-looking paparazzi below. Aizen quickly moved her to his other side and struck a pose.

"My right is my best side, so you go on my left," he told her haughtily. She rolled her eyes. After 5 minutes of him posing, Aizen finally went back to the microphone and waved his hands regally. "Yes, yes, I am very handsome. You can take more photos later. Ahem," he looked at his hand again then turned back to everyone with a dazzling smile. "My Vampires, I see a glorious new future in front of us. One where we shall throw the grandest wedding in the history of weddings, and then the grandest coronation of my Kingship in the history of coronations of kingship. We shall travel all over the globe where we shall aim to destroy those sparkly Vampires descended from fairies on crack, and throw parties in between. And, most importantly, we will give out annoying and stupid taxes!" there was a loud cheer from the people below. Orihime frowned, the others had sounded like fun but the last one, not so much.

"Hang on a minute," she interjected. "I don't want to give out taxes."

There was a deadly silence (literally hahahaha…yes) as all eyes turned to Aizen in his butterfly-glory, which was, at that moment, looking slightly less glorified.

"What?" he asked quietly.

"I don't like taxes, let alone giving them. It doesn't sound like much fun to me," she shrugged nonchalantly.

Aizen blinked. "Heh give me a minute would you?" he quickly scurried away from her and down to staircase to where Gin, Tosen, Ulquiorra, Nnoitra and Grimmjow were cowering in a pack. "What's the meaning of this?" he hissed at them menacingly.

"Ahah whatever do you mean?" Gin asked nervously.

"I mean the fact that she doesn't like taxes! That was clearly on the requirement! I can't have a wife that doesn't like taxes!"

"Well you know, there were a lot of girls out there," goaded Tosen. "She fit the requirements the best."

"Oh none of those matter," snapped Aizen. "All that matters was the taxes one which you clearly didn't understand!"

"Well what are you going to do now my Lord?" asked Ulquiorra.

Aizen tapped his sparkly-heeled shoe against the floor, "There's nothing for it. I'm just going to have to send her back and get a new one by tomorrow."

"You're just gonna break up with her?" gasped Nnoitra.

"Well what other choice do I have, I can't have a wife that doesn't like taxes!"

"Yeah but-" began Grimmjow but Aizen interrupted him.

"No buts! Gin, do you have your phone and her number in it?"

"Yeah why?"

"Well I'm going to break up with her aren't I?" he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Aah OK then why do you need my phone?" Gin continued, handing him his sparkly phone in the shape of Rangiku's head.

"Text! Ne duh!" Aizen rolled his eyes.

Gin stared at him with what eyes that could be seen, which was next to none, "You're gonna break up with her by _text?_ Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Aizen glanced up at Orihime who was glaring down at her with her grey eyes, "Yes definitely! She scares me!" without further ado he began tapping the message out quickly into the phone and sent it.

"You've done it now," chuckled Grimmjow and Nnoitra evilly. Tosen raised his sword threateningly causing them to whimper and scuttle away.

Orihime sat tiredly against the railing, waiting for Aizen to stop his suspicious conversation with his subordinates. Suddenly she heard the song This is Halloween. She pulled her sparkly pink Barbie phone out of the folds of her wedding dress and flipped it open. She had a message! She loved getting messages!

_Dearest Omihima, _

_Its com 2 my attention that we arent compatibl as hubbie and wifie. Sozzles, mayb l8r? hope 2 c u soon, u can let urself out. Xoxo The Almighty King of the Bitchy Curl Lord Sosuke Aizen 3 __J _

She stared at it with shaking hands her face turning red. Aizen smiled and turned to Gin.

"I think that went well don't you?"

"Aah," Gin pointed a shaking finger up to where Orihime was. her eyes had gone a scary shade of bright red.

She opened her mouth, "YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH ME BY TEXT?"

"Umm…"

"BAAASTAAAAAAAARD!" she screamed, pulling out a frying pan from the middle of nowhere and brandishing it at him.

"OK now, calm down. It's a natural course of life," Aizen soothed.

"RAAR!" she yelled. She jumped off the balcony to stand in front of Aizen, holding the weapon threateningly.

"Now see here Omihima," he cautioned putting his hands out in front of him defensively.

She roared again. The last thing Aizen remembered was seeing a pair of red eyes glaring at him, and hearing a loud clang of metal before everything went black.

The room was dark, all the lights had gone out and all that could be seen was a mass of bodies lying on the floor. Aizen rolled over and looked at Gin who was wincing from multiple frying pan bruises.

"Gin," he croaked. "I've decided. I don't want a Vampire Bride anymore."

"Good plan sir," Gin replied groggily.

"Tosen?" Aizen turned and looked at his third-hand man. "How would you like to be a Vampire Groom?"

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><p><strong>Whew hope that was worth the wait! Happy Halloween my lovelies! I'll probably be doing a Christmas one, but considering my time schedule at the moment it really depends. But stay tuned anyways and hopefully I'll actually get it done. They'll probably be Oneshots anyway :) <strong>

**Thanks again! I love you all! *hugs* -Cerice **


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